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“Healthy” And Alternative Ways To Smoke Weed Using Every Food Group

4/20 is tomorrow as you probably already know, but let’s say this past week really got the best of you and you’re feeling totally unprepared for the big day. You call your dealer last minute and luckily he’s able to hook you up with his last eighth of Lemon Haze, but then you remember how your roommate threw his bong out the window last weekend when he thought the cops were coming to bust that crazy party you were having. You don’t have a pipe because you left it somewhere in suburbia, you don’t have papers because you don’t know how to roll and now that your bong is shattered, you have nothing.

You think for a second that a trip to St. Mark’s might be worth your while, but then you realize you can’t justify dropping change on another pipe that you’ll probably lose anyway. So what do you do? You’ve heard of people smoking out of Gatorade bottles and beer cans and you know that you have a pen and some tinfoil lying around somewhere. Well, *NEWSFLASH*: 4/20 isn’t about inhaling nasty chemicals like BPA or aluminum — it’s a celebration of, you know, natural stuff. So why not refer to the food pyramid and take a look around your kitchen? The following is a stoner’s guide to food you can use to make bongs at home.

Fats, Oils, and Sweets: Entemann’s Classic Rich Frosted Donut

In terms of smoking weed, Entemann’s Classic Rich Frosted Donuts probably aren’t your best bet, but that doesn’t mean they can’t get the job done. All you have to do is carve out some cake and frosting on top of the donut to create the “bowl” — which we’ll call “3 o’clock.” Starting from “6 o’clock” drill a hole through the front of the donut until it intersects with the bowl you’ve created at “3 o’clock.” Pack it, light it, and voilá — you’re smoking weed out of a donut. Oh, and the best part is these come in a box of eight, so once you’re stoned you have seven left to eat.

Dairy: String Cheese

Since string cheese is, well, stringy, it tends to separate easily, which can be a problem when you’re haphazardly trying to jam a pen through the entire thing. The art of crafting a string cheese pipe requires patience and dexterity. Since the diameter is small, if you’re going to use a pen you need to be gentle. Firmly hold the end of the cheese together and ease a pen through its body. Once you’ve hollowed out the cheese to the best of your ability, use the tip of the pen (and just the tip) to create a small hole on top, which connects to the tunnel you’ve created inside. Carefully carve away some of the cheese around the small hole and there you have it — a string cheese pipe.

Meat: Hot Soppressata

Hot soppressata is great for smoking weed because it’s a dry breed of salami that’s not too firm and not too soft. You don’t have to use hot soppressata, but the added spice will certainly add some flair to your weed-smoking experience. Using the same principles as the string cheese pipe, you’ll want to hollow out the interior of the salami — a small knife or even a screwdriver are better tools to use than a pen in this scenario. Since the salami will retain its shape, you can drill a hole through the entire thing to create a carb opposite the mouthpiece. On top of the soppressata, drill a small hole to the hollow middle and remove excess meat. The cool thing about using a salami pipe is that when you’re smoking it’ll smell like BBQ! Okay, maybe not, but a girl can dream.

There’s been some debate over whether or not a potato is considered a vegetable but, for all intents and purposes, we’re going to go ahead and say that it is. A potato is a great veggie to use for smoking because it’s easy to penetrate with a pen and requires no cutting or constructing. All you need to do is jab a pen through the top and through the side until the two tunnels connect. Scrape away access potato on the top, and there you have it: a potato pipe.

Fruit: Red Delicious Apple

Everyone has heard of this one because smoking weed out of an apple is the preferred method by middle schoolers everywhere. Drive a pen through the side of the apple, remove the stem, and — just like the potato — jam a pen through the top until you reach the other tunnel. Apples tend to be everyone’s favorite fruit to smoke from because they’re easy to manipulate and taste great.

Grain: Miscellaneous Roll

Smoking weed out of bread is a terrible idea and you shouldn’t do it under any circumstances other than you have absolutely nothing else to use. The problem with using bread is that it’s very porous. Sure, it’s easy enough to create a bowl and a tunnel with a pen or a knife, but when you light your weed and inhale a lot (if not all) of the smoke is going to get trapped inside the crust and you’ll be left with a stinky roll. In any case, if you insist on using bread try to find the densest roll available.

Happy 4/20 everyone! We’re no engineers here at NYU Local, but when in a weed bind, damn are we crafty.

4/20 is tomorrow as you probably already know, but let’s say this past week really got the best of you and you’re feeling totally unprepared for the big day. You call your dealer last minute and… ]]>