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oregano and weed

Smoking Oregano Is Good For You, I Swear I Did This On Purpose

You may think I bought and smoked this dime bag of oregano because I thought it was marijuana, but that’s not the case at all. Do I look like some kind of dummy, dummy? I knew the whole time what it was. You’re the one out of the loop here. While your feeble mind may see it as a seasoning exclusively confined to shaker bottles in pizzerias, my galaxy brain is aware of the whole slew of health benefits you obviously don’t know about. That’s why I was puffing on it. You’re the idiot here, not me, kiddo.

It can be hard to express your true feelings. That’s why inspirational quotes are so…

First of all, oregano fights inflammation (don’t bother Googling it). Inflammation can cause serious pain in your joints. That’s why I kept shouting, “Yo, this joint is fire!” while blazing it. I was talking about my knee, which isn’t what it used to be. My knee joint is always burning with exertion. Burning … fire … easy to see why a simpleton like you would misinterpret that. I don’t need to pretend to like reefer just to seem cool. By the way, we’re still calling it “reefer,” right?

Oregano is also great for strained muscles. That’s why I asked the dealer what kinds of strains he had. Just wanted to be an informed shopper and see which type of muscle strains his product would help cure, whether it be the biceps, hamstrings, or what I asked about: my sore sticky purple haze kush muscles. Learn some anatomy, you dolt.

Speaking of the dealer, you seem to think it’s strange that a 37-year-old like myself was purchasing oregano from a teenager at a Greyhound station at 2 A.M. I’m just trying to support local entrepreneurs, man. It’s basically like buying it at a farmers’ market, only smarter because there are less crowds.

And of course, oregano is still a delicious—if underutilized—seasoning. That’s why I baked it into a sheet of brownies. I only told you to eat half of one, wait 30 minutes for it to kick in, and then see if you could handle the rest because chocolate and oregano is a complex flavor most morons like you can’t handle. And I kept calling it an “edible” to let you know that it was safe to eat, unlike those wax brownie toys that are all too easy for mouth-breathing knuckle-scrapers like you to mistake for real food.

So for the last time, I can totally tell the difference between pot and oregano, okay? I’ve smoked weed like a million times before, but smoking oregano is way better, and it will change your life.

That's right. Smoking oregano is good for you. In fact, here are all the health benefits of this plant I definitely didn't buy by mistake.

Teens break into dispensary and end up stealing oregano instead of weed

These thieves definitely didn’t get high, but they probably did end up smelling like Italian seasoning.

A group of teens recently stole a van and crashed it into Native Roots, a pot shop in Colorado. They then raided the dispensary’s display cases and left with what they thought were armfuls of weed.

Brent Wrathbone told KKTV that he was leaving work when he heard “this big old crash.”

“[The suspects] came out with bunches of marijuana in their arms,” Wrathbone said.

Except it wasn’t the herb they expected. According to Native Roots’ owners, the shop doesn’t put real weed on display. Instead, they put out oregano and keep the real marijuana elsewhere.

“All of our product was locked away,” communications manager Kim Casey told the local CBS station. “Even those items in the display case are all display. They are unmedicated product.”

She told KKTV that they thought they got away with pre-rolled joints, but it was just oregano in rolling paper. They did successfully steal a some shirts, though. They also left thousands of dollars worth of damage to the store from ramming the van into the building.

“The damage people have done to get high,” Wrathbone told KKTV, “It’s just not worth it.”

Except, they didn’t even manage to get high in the end.

A bunch of Colorado teens stole a van, crashed it into a dispensary, and stole what they thought was weed.